So I'm a sex tourist but does that make me a deviant?

My first attempt at university I studied tourism. I am not really sure why, I love to travel but I am way to much of a bitch to spend my life looking after others and making sure they have a good time while I work. One thing I did find interesting during this two year study tangent was the branch of tourism theory looking at travel motivation, particularly sex tourism.

Every year millions of people set out across the globe and unknowingly engage in sex tourism. It isn't just the dirty old men who head off looking for cheap prostitutes, it's 20 year old English lads on Contiki tours hoping to bag a fit bird on every stop around Europe or a middle-aged divorcee hoping to have a passionate fling in Tuscany or Paris. It is anyone who ever thought “I might go there I heard the locals are banging hot”.

I admit it. I'm a sex tourist. It isn't my only reason for travel but it certainly helps me to keep returning when the men in Nepal are really attractive.

I am in Thailand right now. When I think Thailand I think Sex Tourism. This place is the sex tourism capital of the world. It is full of dirty old men picking up beautiful young Thai girls (and boys).

It is really freaking me out. What disturbs me the most is the Thai girls look really happy with their balding, over-weight perverted lovers. I see them riding around on the back of motor bikes, throwing back drinks in bars, laughing it up in the surf... I am starting to question my assumptions about the situation and about my own relationship.

My boyfriend is Nepali. He is younger than me, but not so much that people stare and he is above the legal age of consent. He is good looking, probably better looking than me. I make more money (but only because of the exchange rate, i'm a student not a rich expat trying to make my retirement package last the distance). I have the potential to offer him a life out of Nepal. I am starting to notice some disturbing and uncomfortable correlations.

Maybe I am as bad as those creepy old men? Maybe I am exploiting some kind of power balance that I thought wasn't a factor for us? Maybe I just need to get out of Thailand... this place is messed up.

oh PS I got the job in Nepal.

Awesome

So the other day i was trying to make a doctor's appointment (nothing serious just trying to get my self sorted before i head o/s again) and the receptionist put me on hold for about 15 mins. I was really starting to get pissy when one of my all time favorite songs came on the hold music.

This song makes me so happy. It is 80s awesomeness at its best. Overalls, pompoms, mullets, no socks, bad blonded and teased hair. I wish i was a teenager in the 80s I would have rocked it.

I love the part where they walk down the road in a big group, clicking in time, and then they run. *sigh* I wish a man in a denim jumpsuit would run down the road singing my name. HEY don't judge me we all have our freakish fantasy... my just happens to be an 80s flashback.

Food Choices

I thought about my commitment to Four Years.Go for a week or two. I want to pick something i would actually stick too. I have decided to give up meat for the next four years. I do not eat THAT much meat anyway but after watching a few docos and reading up on the environmental impacts of food lots, i decided I didn't want to support an industry with so many negative effects.

It has been harder than i thought it would be. I suddenly realised at lunch yesterday I may have eaten my last cheese burger. I have a weird love of cheeseburgers. And I live with my mum. She loves a steak. She doesn't pressure me to eat meat, there are plenty of vegetarians in my family, but i know she enjoys meat. It is hard to keep saying I won't eat that when she want to make something with meat for dinner.

In order to celebrate my vegetarianism I made some banana bread (like you need a reason). My mum's banana bread is the best. Here is the recipe.

3 or 4 ripe bananas

1/3 cup melted butter

1 cup sugar(can reduce to 3/4cup)

1 egg beaten

1 tsp vanilla

1 tsp baking soda

pinch of salt

1 1/2 cups of plain flour

No need for a mixer for this recipe. Preheat the oven to 350 deg. with a wooden spoon, mix the butter into the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the sugar, egg, and vanilla. Sprinkle the baking soda and salt over the mixture and mix in. Add the flour last, mix. Pour mixture into a buttered 4x8 inch loaf pan. bake for 1 hour. Cool on a rack. Remove from the pan and slice to serve.

I have also decided to walk more. In the last week I haven't even been in a car. Normally i would drive the short 10 min walk to the supermarket. I have been getting out and enjoying the sunshine. Now that i have broken the habit of driving everywhere, it doesn't really even occur to me to take the car for short distances.

I know these two things won't change the world alone. I wanted to pick something i could stick to during the next four years. And if i find it really easy I can always add more things. To find more information or to make a commitment to changing the world go to Four Years.Go

Me in 100 word MAX

So it is job application time. I actually really rock at writing a job applications. I can nail a selection criteria and a cover letter... unless i really want to job and I REALLY WANT THIS JOB. My ability to be impressive has completely vanished. Now i just feel like an old lady with limited skills and now pizazz (yeah i know only a fading hack would use the word pizazz).

The application states, tell us about yourself, describe your personal and professional interests in 100 words MAX.

I am AWESOME.. hmmm that might not be the best start. They are about to red my portfolio, which is somewhat

I am a responsible and dependable employee... well that isn't really common for a writer so maybe?

I have moments of creative genius but they are generally far between. I'm a good writer with a steady, reliable output. I can write whenever, about whatever. I love writing but i am a little rusty.... SHIT NO. I can't tell them the truth!!! I'll never get a job with that.

Moderately attractive, 20 something, out of work writer seek assignments for reviving her will to write. Likes variety, open to new experiences, will work for minimum wage. Dislikes... this application form. Hmmm nope don't think that's it.

I like to write. I am good at writing. I have more story ideas than i could possibly write up in one life time. I have never missed a deadline.

Ohhhhhhhhh. If I could just convince myself I don't actually want the job maybe i could come up with something brilliant and witty.

dance like nobody is watching...

So I am working on a new banner... well at-least thinking about it. I've been playing around with the timer on my camera trying to come up with something i can edit. I did enjoy the morning spent with my camera, a huge old shirt of my dad's and some Justin Timberlake to dance around too. As you can see mostly I just look like a crazy person, not sure if i got anything usable yet.

Ok the layout on here is having a negative effect on my creativity. I know that sounds ridiculous but whenever i log on here to write i feel really let down when i view the results.

what to do? I guess I can go back to wordpress but i didn't really like it over there. I think there is more of a community on blogger. I am not very HTML savvy so changing the templates is beyond me. *sigh* what to do?

Blog Bullies

I have been looking for work in Nepal as a writer / photographer / creative type over the last few weeks. During the researching phase i've been following heaps of blogs, magazines and writing collectives and I noticed something which i think really blows.

There seems to be very little feeling of camaraderie, support or even general respect between writers or artists on these Nepali sites. Most of the comments are discouraging, critical and verging on the kind of cyber bullying i thought only went on between teenagers.

If i disagree with something i see on someone's blog I am not afraid to comment. There is a difference between disagreeing with an argument or offering constructive ways for someone to better their writing and with attacking a writer personally. I believe in constructive criticism when it comes from a place of wanting to assist a fellow writer. But if you are just an insecure ass who wants to prop up your own ego then it really pisses me off.

The thing that most annoys me is it is always the people who leave anonymous comments so there is no chance of viewing their perfect work. It is cowardly and it has a negative effect on the creativity of others, especially young writers who can use an environment to float ideas and styles.

I have been blogging for a while now. I've had numerous other blogs and contributed here and there. I've always experienced the blogging community as friendly, welcoming and helpful. When I lived in Melbourne there were regular blogger and writer meet and greats. The writers i met were so encouraging of young writers.

Why is the writing community in Nepal so volatile? Maybe it is because there is so little opportunity for publication there. Or maybe it is because the majority of people who use the internet in Nepal are quite young. I am not sure but I am so disappointed.

I was looking forward to meeting writers from my new community. Now I just feel like i don't want to put my work out there and be ripped to shreds over the placement of a comma.

It may not look like much but this is a beginning of something new. In 59 days i am heading off to Nepal and hopefully will make a new life there. First i have to box all of my belongings and send the things i don't need to St Vincent de Paul's. It is hard to know what you might need when you set out on a new life... who will i be, what will i do, will there be a dress code?

my new toy...

Yesterday after zombie hunting with my dad i realised my lens was bit loose. One one side it was actually coming undone. It had been doing funny things for a while but i'm not a very good photographer so i figured it was my lack of skill. When I unscrewed the lens a piece of plastic fell out. I had cracked two of the brackets which hold the lens in place.

I am famous for breaking things. I believe even luxury items, like expensive lenses, should be used to their full extent. My lens had a hard life. I dropped it a million times, I carted it across Nepal with little thought for its longevity, I let children use it to learn about photography. It only lived for six months but it had a full life.

And now thanks to my dad (who shows he cares by buying us expensive and unnecessary items) I have a brand new 55-300mm lens. It is so crazy that i have this lens. I am never going to make proper use of it, it just too much! I haven't had any chance to test it out yet but i do like to look at it and stroke it and call it my precious.

How curious?

My father and i spotted this unusual sign when we were in a back street in Enmore. I love a good zombie movie and i have this peculiar quirk of often thinking about what i would do if there was a zombie attack... yeah i know this is kind of freaky but often when i go to a new place i consider its worthiness as a crash pad to wait out a zombie attack. I am thinking second or third story apartment, easily blocked off stair well, balcony for emergency exit, would all be key qualities.

i am missing...

My beautiful friend Katie. We met in Nepal when she was trying to arrange her wedding. It was a pretty stressful time but i think we managed alright given neither of us spoke the language and had no idea what a Nepali-English wedding should look like.

This is a photograph from the first and only Nepali wedding i have ever been to. My friend Katie (in red) was marrying a Nepali boy. It was an amazing thing to be a part of. Traditional Nepali marriage ceremonies can have huge parties in the street. Everyone makes noise and there is lots of food and dancing. This one was a little more subdued.

It was my fist time buying and wearing a Sari. I need a lot more practice. I really have to work on those abs if i intend to get around in tradition dress on my next trip.

The last week i have been feeling so low. I am not sure why. I finished all my university work and my extra work so i should be kicking back and relaxing. I found these photos and i was telling myself i shouldn't complain, at least i don't have to do this for a living but it didn't work. I just feel nothing.

I am thinking a change might help. I am heading to Sydney for a few days. We will see how that goes.

smoking photo 1 and 2

FOUR YEARS. GO.

About a week ago I stumbled across this website for change. It is an opportunity to connect with others and make a difference. To start creating the world we want instead of settling for the world we have. If you want something better, if you can imagine something MORE then check out FOUR YEARS. GO. Make a commitment and start making the changes you want to see in others.

"In the next four years, we can raise global consciousness to influence governments and free markets. We can reverse the trends of deforestation. We can safely capture CO2. We can pay a fair wage. We can rethink the way we use energy and the way we treat our global neighbors. In the next four years, we can stop waiting for someone else to fix it. We can start taking responsibility. We can change ourselves, change the world, and have fun doing it.

It all starts with a simple act. A single step. A personal declaration to start making small choices. A small action taken daily by millions around the world, resonating into a chorus of earth moving thunder." - FOUR YEARS. GO.

FOUR YEARS. GO. A Campaign to Change the Course of History. from FOUR YEARS. GO. on Vimeo.

Work

I am not really cut out for childcare. I spent the morning learning how to draw peacocks. My peacocks were heaps better than the children's peacocks. One little boy asked if he could keep mine... I told him I'd draw him a special one. I wasn't giving away this bad boy!

Ok i realised i am becoming boring. I have to stop talking about Nepal. I see my family's eyes glaze over when ever i mention it. I am imposing a self ban. No talking about Nepal for a whole week!!

Travelers

The best thing about traveling is that you meet the most amazing people. For a brief time these people become our friends, your family and your support in a lonely city. Maybe it is because you experience things together which people back home can never understand or maybe it is because you know your friendship may have a limited life-span but all my favorite people are traveling friends.

This picture is of a friend i met this year. We had a crazy two week affair before he jumped on a plane to Pakistan. He saved my life in a Kathmandu hospital and introduced me to the word EPIC. Whenever i think of him i get a little twinge thinking what might have been.

Things i love...

My dad sends the best care packages. I am staying with my mum in the small country town where i grew up. The local supermarket doesn't have much in the way of vegetarian or Asian food. Last week my dad found an amazing Nepali supermarket and sent me this care pack full of all the things i need for a really awesome Nepali cook up. It has three types of lentils for dal, masala tea, paneer, and a new magazine to read while i am waiting for it all to cook.

Now i realise this picture looks a bit like vomit but cooking dal is an art. I need a lot more practice but gosh it tasted like heaven.

Sitting with my feet up in my warm knitted socks. I have worn these every day for three months. I would have thought they'd smell by now. Sadly one of them has a huge hole.

Getting to wear my bright red scarf one more time before the cold weather disappears.

World Food Day: United Against Hunger

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